I have to write. I just can’t shut up. This week one of my students mainstreamed for the first time. I was looking forward to sending him to P.E. with the general education students. In the afternoon I assigned one of my paraprofessional’s to take him to P.E. while I stayed in the classroom and finished some paperwork. When I could finally break free I slipped out of the room to check on them.
When I reached the field my student and para were jogging around the field with a hoard of 1st graders. My poor para was being a sport and keeping up with the first graders as they enthusiastically sprinted the ¼ mile. I was horrified and apologetic for putting her in a position where she had to run in 95 degree heat. Fortunately she forgave me.
Anyway, when the running was over the kids huddled up; waiting for instructions on what to do next. At this time I joined the group and tried to look teacher like and full of authority. Instantaneously I was surrounded by gaping 1st graders. One boy sheepishly spoke for the group. “You have really long legs … and … um … short arms”. I looked at him quizzically while I tried to interpret what it was he was actually trying to say.
“Oh! You mean my neck? I have really long legs and a short neck?” The entire group of 1st graders nodded and smiled in unison. I had successfully cracked the code. Inwardly I shriveled. I hated this topic. Visions of childhood abuse and disdain flooded through me and my knees sagged. By now the other teachers had joined the group and were all looking at me expectedly. I had to speak. Ironic. I had spent several days preparing an ability awareness lesson I planned on delivering to the first graders at the end of the month. The purpose of the lesson is to teach “different is good”. Well time to bite the bullet and practice what I preach.
“Well kids”. Little monsters. “My neck is so short because I have a disability”. Or I’m an alien. On my planet everyone has no neck and we eat small children instead of vegetables. They all looked at me horrified. I dropped to one knee and smiled warmly from the heat of the bile rising in my throat. “It’s ok. It doesn’t hurt. It just makes me different and different is good”. There was a tense pause as their little first grade minds processed this information. Then the hoard grinned and nodded. “Different is good” some of them repeated. “Each of us has a spine that runs up our back”. Mine is yellow. “The spine is made up of a lot of different bones. When I was born some of my bones were missing. So, now I have a short neck”. And it’s such a joy to be discussing this with you. I made eye contact with the other teachers who smiled sheepishly. I winked encouragingly at them. They smiled back and started gathering the kids together. As we all walked back class together my student was in the middle of pack, surrounded by his peers who considered him one of their own. I, on the other hand, was in the back of the line. A smaller group of 1st graders had attached themselves to me. Little hands grabbed my pockets, belt loops, legs, and hands. Apparently different was good enough. I am now their disabled friend.
In our district we have had a series of abduction attempts by two sleaze balls trying to lure young girls into their cars. The elementary schools are on high alert and the Principals are holding “Stranger Danger” talks in the cafeteria. Our class eats lunch in our classroom because the cafeteria is still to overwhelming for my kids. Our staff didn’t know anything about the talk. My paras were returning from breaks reporting that they were being accosted in the halls by young children pointing at them and yelling “Stranger Danger”. The paras have badges and will start wearing them soon. I do not yet have a badge, but oddly enough I am not being accosted. We have determined that I am being mistaken for a 5th grader.
This week blows.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Foot to Mouth
It’s 3:00 a.m. I’m awake and considering how totally fracked I am. I can’t explain yet why I’m fracked; but oh are you going to enjoy the story once it can be told. When my paras find themselves in this position I usually tell them we need to have a “Come to Jesus” moment. Well, mine is here, and VSC can’t stop giggling. Wish me luck. The wait will be well worth it. For all of you who have fallen victim to my late time ramblings; well your vindication is coming soon. Thank god for the trip to Monterey tomorrow (well now it’s today). I’ll have plenty of driving time to consider what a bad girl I’ve been.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Nothing Here ... Move Along
Literally. Cleaning up messes. I'll post again later.
"Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. One kind makes us chuckle about our foibles and our shared humanity--like what Garrison Keillor does. The other kind holds people up to public contempt and ridicule--that's what I do."(Molly Ivins)
"Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. One kind makes us chuckle about our foibles and our shared humanity--like what Garrison Keillor does. The other kind holds people up to public contempt and ridicule--that's what I do."(Molly Ivins)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
My New Hippie Hats
A few days ago I was driving in Berkeley and noticed how many hippies were wearing bandannas on their heads (look, I finally changed the spelling from hippi). Suddenly I had a strong, consuming desire to own a bandanna. So after work today I drove to Any Mountain and bought two bandannas, one red and one blue. Once home I realized I had never actually worn a bandanna on my head (or for that matter any other part of my body). So, I had to go on-line and look up instructions on how to properly tie a bandanna. Thank god for the internet. After about 6 tries, I finally found a look that suited me. When wearing my bandana I prefer to squint and pretend that I am a pirate as opposed to a dirty footed hippie. My one hoop earring helps to solidify my new persona.
Our T.V. died today. I’ll add it to the list of one more thing to go wrong in July 2009. It was a bit odd because I was watching Warehouse 13 when it happened. On the television screen a man was at the airport buying tickets. From behind him two men dressed in black trench coats, goggles, and black masks enter the airport. The camera angle switches and now the audience is watching the two men through a security camera which is a grainy, black and white video feed. The men reach down and pull back their trench coats to reveal bomb-like apparatus attached to their chests. A green ball forms between them, in the middle of the T.V. screen, then suddenly the screen goes black. As though the image “fell” or was sucked in to the middle of the green ball. Frantic voices can be heard in the background. I sit for a few minutes staring at blackness before I realize, “well son-of-a-b*tch. The T.V. just died”.
When your T.V. dies a little part of your soul will give its own momentary death rattle. It sounds something like, “Grrrp … k-k-k-k- … rrrrr …pop”. I tried to think positive thoughts like “oh well I can just read” or “maybe I should wash the dog” or “wow, now I have time work on the book” or “I should practice Form Stance for karate”. Instead I ran to my laptop and watched a video feed of “Glee” coming out in September but available now on the web. I suck. I super suck. My suckage is so large and so vast that I am a little green ball in the universe swallowing up tiny video images around me. I should be cleaning my Glock. I should be collecting fresh lettuce from my eco-bin. I should be squeezing fresh grape fruits for my shower tonight.
Oh, which brings me to another thought. Today a paraprofessional offered me fresh fruit from her garden (no this isn’t some bizarre sexual innuendo). I’ve never actually accepted fruit from anyone’s garden before. It made me feel very organically minded and stuff. I wish I had fruit to offer from my garden. Proclamation #5: I will plant seeds. I will watch them grow. I will offer strangers fruit from my garden!! Yes!! I will wear my hippie bandana, kneel in dirt and plant organic lemon seeds! I will fertilize my sees with re-appropriated dog poo (probably not) and fight damage causing insects with vinegar! Next time when I am watching T.V. and it dies I will have sense not to sit in front of a dark screen for two minutes before realizing this sudden darkness was not part of the plot.
Our T.V. died today. I’ll add it to the list of one more thing to go wrong in July 2009. It was a bit odd because I was watching Warehouse 13 when it happened. On the television screen a man was at the airport buying tickets. From behind him two men dressed in black trench coats, goggles, and black masks enter the airport. The camera angle switches and now the audience is watching the two men through a security camera which is a grainy, black and white video feed. The men reach down and pull back their trench coats to reveal bomb-like apparatus attached to their chests. A green ball forms between them, in the middle of the T.V. screen, then suddenly the screen goes black. As though the image “fell” or was sucked in to the middle of the green ball. Frantic voices can be heard in the background. I sit for a few minutes staring at blackness before I realize, “well son-of-a-b*tch. The T.V. just died”.
When your T.V. dies a little part of your soul will give its own momentary death rattle. It sounds something like, “Grrrp … k-k-k-k- … rrrrr …pop”. I tried to think positive thoughts like “oh well I can just read” or “maybe I should wash the dog” or “wow, now I have time work on the book” or “I should practice Form Stance for karate”. Instead I ran to my laptop and watched a video feed of “Glee” coming out in September but available now on the web. I suck. I super suck. My suckage is so large and so vast that I am a little green ball in the universe swallowing up tiny video images around me. I should be cleaning my Glock. I should be collecting fresh lettuce from my eco-bin. I should be squeezing fresh grape fruits for my shower tonight.
Oh, which brings me to another thought. Today a paraprofessional offered me fresh fruit from her garden (no this isn’t some bizarre sexual innuendo). I’ve never actually accepted fruit from anyone’s garden before. It made me feel very organically minded and stuff. I wish I had fruit to offer from my garden. Proclamation #5: I will plant seeds. I will watch them grow. I will offer strangers fruit from my garden!! Yes!! I will wear my hippie bandana, kneel in dirt and plant organic lemon seeds! I will fertilize my sees with re-appropriated dog poo (probably not) and fight damage causing insects with vinegar! Next time when I am watching T.V. and it dies I will have sense not to sit in front of a dark screen for two minutes before realizing this sudden darkness was not part of the plot.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Soap Nuts
About two weeks ago we started using the Lullwater Soap Nuts regularly. This is an eco-friendly laundry detergent, 100% natural and biodegradable. My bag cost me about $23, and should do about 330 loads (according to the label on the bag). 150 fluid ounces of double concentrate liquid Tide only washes up to 96 loads. Another bonus is that fabric softener is not needed. Financially this is a pretty good deal.
Prior to washing you take 2 – 3 nuts and throw them in to a little bag (provided by Lullwater). If used in the same day, this bag o’ nuts will wash three loads of laundry. In your hand they smell very vinegary. Many of the nuts in the bag have broken apart, so it’s hard to determine what constitutes a true nut. I just guess. Another irritating issue is that the Soap Nuts come in a nice canvas bag with red writing. Unfortunately, the red writing sloughs off easily so you find yourself kind of guessing what the actual instructions might say.
Once the clothes are washed they feel kinda soft and smell kinda clean. By “kinda” I mean they don’t feel or smell dirty. They just feel and smell like clothes. Which is weird. However, I would definitely recommend Soap Nuts to any of you hippies out there. As an added bonus if you use a Laundromat, as opposed to having a washer and dryer in your home, I HIGHLY recommend this solution. No more carrying heavy containers of laundry soap and softener up and down stairs or across long distances. Just grab 3 nuts, tie them up in a bag, and you are ready to go.
Prior to washing you take 2 – 3 nuts and throw them in to a little bag (provided by Lullwater). If used in the same day, this bag o’ nuts will wash three loads of laundry. In your hand they smell very vinegary. Many of the nuts in the bag have broken apart, so it’s hard to determine what constitutes a true nut. I just guess. Another irritating issue is that the Soap Nuts come in a nice canvas bag with red writing. Unfortunately, the red writing sloughs off easily so you find yourself kind of guessing what the actual instructions might say.
Once the clothes are washed they feel kinda soft and smell kinda clean. By “kinda” I mean they don’t feel or smell dirty. They just feel and smell like clothes. Which is weird. However, I would definitely recommend Soap Nuts to any of you hippies out there. As an added bonus if you use a Laundromat, as opposed to having a washer and dryer in your home, I HIGHLY recommend this solution. No more carrying heavy containers of laundry soap and softener up and down stairs or across long distances. Just grab 3 nuts, tie them up in a bag, and you are ready to go.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Toilet Paper Post
Did you know that only 2% of toilet paper used by Americans is Recycled toilet paper? We have officially made the switch, and are now only using 100% recycled toilet paper. For the record; yes it is scratchy; yes it seems like a roll lasts ½ as long; and yes I’d rather be using Charmin. I’m actually tempted to stash away some Charmin under the bed in case of stomach flu. The recycled stuff just isn’t going to cut it in the case of a true bathroom “emergency”. Actually, now that I think about it, the car and house disaster kits are populated with Charmin. Lucky us!
So, if you are planning on visiting our house consider yourself warned. You may want to bring your own T.P. to the party. It could be worse. A few months back we were told a story about a couple visiting some friends for the day. The only method of wiping offered to them by their hosts included rags and a waste bin.
The guy on the radio today was actually trying to encourage American’s to consider using a bidet instead of Charmin. Are you kidding me? True, I’ve never used a bidet before, so I have no good reason for abhorring the idea. But, I do. If for some reason you are high and interested in purchasing a bidet for your bathroom, they actually make them now so that they attach right to the toilet you are already using. Weeeeee! More information can be found at http://www.biobidet.com/. I love the name, “BioBidet”. Snicker.
In the case of true Armageddon you will eventually run out of toilet paper. No toilet paper? No problem. Cool things you can wipe your butt with are (as suggested by Cody Lundin):
Rocks. Rocks come in different sizes and textures. You can find a shape and size to fit every orifice.
Sticks. Be careful of sharp broken ends.
Grass. Long grass can be folded up on itself to create a soft, fresh smelling alternative.
Leaves. Use several at a time, overlapped, or your fingers will bust through.
Snow. An invigorating experience that wipes and cleans at the same time.
Tree Branches and shrubs. You will quickly learn that some are “directional”. First rub the branch across your wrist to check for comfort.
Rags.
Newspaper. Crumple it up a few times beforehand and the paper will become softer and more absorbent.
Magazines. This paper can be somewhat slippery and oily feeling. So, like newspaper, crumpling up the pages can improve wiping ability.
In “When All Hell Freezes Over”, Cody also includes a page of “Hardcore Hints” for folks interested in wiping their ass with their hand. Maybe some other time …
So, if you are planning on visiting our house consider yourself warned. You may want to bring your own T.P. to the party. It could be worse. A few months back we were told a story about a couple visiting some friends for the day. The only method of wiping offered to them by their hosts included rags and a waste bin.
The guy on the radio today was actually trying to encourage American’s to consider using a bidet instead of Charmin. Are you kidding me? True, I’ve never used a bidet before, so I have no good reason for abhorring the idea. But, I do. If for some reason you are high and interested in purchasing a bidet for your bathroom, they actually make them now so that they attach right to the toilet you are already using. Weeeeee! More information can be found at http://www.biobidet.com/. I love the name, “BioBidet”. Snicker.
In the case of true Armageddon you will eventually run out of toilet paper. No toilet paper? No problem. Cool things you can wipe your butt with are (as suggested by Cody Lundin):
Rocks. Rocks come in different sizes and textures. You can find a shape and size to fit every orifice.
Sticks. Be careful of sharp broken ends.
Grass. Long grass can be folded up on itself to create a soft, fresh smelling alternative.
Leaves. Use several at a time, overlapped, or your fingers will bust through.
Snow. An invigorating experience that wipes and cleans at the same time.
Tree Branches and shrubs. You will quickly learn that some are “directional”. First rub the branch across your wrist to check for comfort.
Rags.
Newspaper. Crumple it up a few times beforehand and the paper will become softer and more absorbent.
Magazines. This paper can be somewhat slippery and oily feeling. So, like newspaper, crumpling up the pages can improve wiping ability.
In “When All Hell Freezes Over”, Cody also includes a page of “Hardcore Hints” for folks interested in wiping their ass with their hand. Maybe some other time …
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Foot Tonic Fail
Many years ago when I was assembling my first Disaster Kit I came across the recommendation that one should always keep comfortable shoes in the car in case of an emergency. The point being that crawling through mounds of debris in Teva sandals might be a bad, not to mention potentially crippling, endeavor. Fortunately I own multiple pairs of shoes and it was very easy for me to throw a pair of rarely worn sneakers into my emergency backpack.
Today I was again reminded of the need for good, conscientious, foot care. On Saturday morning I went to my Zombie fighting class. For two hours we ran around barefoot on a hard wooden floor and now my feet are killing me. I continue to hobble around the house more than 24 hours later. Honestly, I’m not sure why we have to be barefoot. I truly believe it would be far more useful to practice kicking ass in Doc Martin’s or at very least steel toed hiking boots. But I digress. I have accepted the fact that not only will I re-learn the fine art of spinning back kicks, but I will also learn to be humble and do as I’m told, regardless of how ridiculous it might seem. I am a leaf on the river …. I am a leaf on the river … I am a leaf on the river ….
For sore foot relief it seemed appropriate to consult, “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself”. The suggested foot tonic was:
Ankle Deep Warm / Hot Water
½ cup Vinegar
2 tablespoons salt
After soaking my feet for about 10 minutes I became terribly bored. My feet smelled like Vinegar soaked Long John Silver’s fish and chips, and my Cha-Ching-Cherry nail polish began to fade. The results were less than stunning. My feet still hurt and now they have the added bonus of being stinky. Foot Tonic Fail.
Today I was again reminded of the need for good, conscientious, foot care. On Saturday morning I went to my Zombie fighting class. For two hours we ran around barefoot on a hard wooden floor and now my feet are killing me. I continue to hobble around the house more than 24 hours later. Honestly, I’m not sure why we have to be barefoot. I truly believe it would be far more useful to practice kicking ass in Doc Martin’s or at very least steel toed hiking boots. But I digress. I have accepted the fact that not only will I re-learn the fine art of spinning back kicks, but I will also learn to be humble and do as I’m told, regardless of how ridiculous it might seem. I am a leaf on the river …. I am a leaf on the river … I am a leaf on the river ….
For sore foot relief it seemed appropriate to consult, “Clean Body: The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing Yourself”. The suggested foot tonic was:
Ankle Deep Warm / Hot Water
½ cup Vinegar
2 tablespoons salt
After soaking my feet for about 10 minutes I became terribly bored. My feet smelled like Vinegar soaked Long John Silver’s fish and chips, and my Cha-Ching-Cherry nail polish began to fade. The results were less than stunning. My feet still hurt and now they have the added bonus of being stinky. Foot Tonic Fail.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
4th of July Recipe
Happy 4th of July readers! Tonight is generally a time of revelry and celebration. Across your city, unknowing of the zombie hoard that could quite possibly be lurking behind the 7-11, citizens of America will be drinking copious amounts of beer, barbequing trunk loads of red meat, and thoughtlessly wasting precious explosives (here in Oakland they will be wasting bucket loads of ammunition).
In honor of the 4th of July I offer my readers a new recipe. If when you wake tomorrow morning the world is covered in post-apocalypse ash, know that you still have hope!
Awesome Ashcakes!
Ingredients:
Flour
* Water
* Twig
Coals from 4th of July barbeque
* For water you can substitute the dregs from the bottom of 3 or 4 beer bottles. For twigs you can substitute the sticks from Corn Dogs.
Directions:
With twig, mix small amount of water (2 or 3 tablespoons) with flour
Use hands to flatten out dough ball into pancake shape.
Throw onto coals of fire.
Turn as necessary to keep from burning.
Let cool.
Eat.
If your guests were nice enough to leave behind scraps on their plates you can also make Awesome Ashcake Turnovers! Simply take whatever ingredients you can find (left over pie pieces, half eaten hot dogs, mustard smears), add to the flattened dough ball, pinch the edges, and throw it all on the coals.
* Recipe adapted from When All Hell Breaks Loose. Cody Lundin.
In honor of the 4th of July I offer my readers a new recipe. If when you wake tomorrow morning the world is covered in post-apocalypse ash, know that you still have hope!
Awesome Ashcakes!
Ingredients:
Flour
* Water
* Twig
Coals from 4th of July barbeque
* For water you can substitute the dregs from the bottom of 3 or 4 beer bottles. For twigs you can substitute the sticks from Corn Dogs.
Directions:
With twig, mix small amount of water (2 or 3 tablespoons) with flour
Use hands to flatten out dough ball into pancake shape.
Throw onto coals of fire.
Turn as necessary to keep from burning.
Let cool.
Eat.
If your guests were nice enough to leave behind scraps on their plates you can also make Awesome Ashcake Turnovers! Simply take whatever ingredients you can find (left over pie pieces, half eaten hot dogs, mustard smears), add to the flattened dough ball, pinch the edges, and throw it all on the coals.
* Recipe adapted from When All Hell Breaks Loose. Cody Lundin.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Living Self-Sufficientish: An Update
I’m still living my self-sufficientish lifestyle. Well, sort of. The soap is still made of oatmeal (or hemp; or baking soda; or baby Indian tears). Lemons are still my shampoo of choice, and the toilet paper is recycled (by some large company, not directly by me because that would be gross). I bought a new razor the other day that uses disposable razor heads so that I’m not throwing away an entire disposable razor every few months. Also, the new toothbrush rocks as well as the toothpaste. In all honesty though, VSC makes a much better toothpaste blend than I do. Also, for the first time, I used the soap beads in the laundry. They were stinky before washing, but left the load smelling fresh and clean.
To be honest, I must admit that I have made a few mistakes along the way. As an example, I got a pedicure and it was LOVELY. Petite Asian women (probably being paid far less than minimum wage and originally shipped to the U.S. to be sex slaves) massaged my calves, buffed my feet, and shellacked my toenails in wonderful, Opi Cha-Ching-Cherry nail polish. They even used the hippi repelling blue glow of a UV bulb to dry the polish. My toes sat under the blue glow for about 15 minutes while I read an article in Oprah’s magazine about “4 Eco Friendly Destinations”. Here I learned about “The Good Hotel” in San Francisco where you can pay $99 on a weekday to stay at the hotel and “Just pick up the orange phone in the lobby to connect to the non-profit One Brick, which matches visitors to short-term service gigs”. You can imagine the stony glares I received from the other saloon visitors when I laughed so hard I snorted.
I also went to see Craig my fabulous gay hair dresser. Craig is very “pro-product” and I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was now washing my hair with baking soda and lemon juice. It would have most certainly killed one of the little fairies that live in Craig’s blow dryer. Did you know that a gay hair dresser’s blow dryer is full of little fairies that beat their wings so hard, and so fast, a cool forest breeze then blows gently through your hair? Yes, I am ashamed to have kept a secret from my hairdresser, but it really was for the best.
Finally, today is house cleaning day. Armed with my baking soda and trusty vacuum cleaner I will attack the floor rugs. There aren’t any hints in my “The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing: Clean” book on dusting. So I may end up spending an hour on the internet trying to come up with an eco-friendly dusting solution. Yes, I’m sure you are thinking, “Just use a rag dumb-ass”. However a plain old rag does not leave the house smelling fresh and clean! Without the smell of clean there really isn’t much of a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.
To be honest, I must admit that I have made a few mistakes along the way. As an example, I got a pedicure and it was LOVELY. Petite Asian women (probably being paid far less than minimum wage and originally shipped to the U.S. to be sex slaves) massaged my calves, buffed my feet, and shellacked my toenails in wonderful, Opi Cha-Ching-Cherry nail polish. They even used the hippi repelling blue glow of a UV bulb to dry the polish. My toes sat under the blue glow for about 15 minutes while I read an article in Oprah’s magazine about “4 Eco Friendly Destinations”. Here I learned about “The Good Hotel” in San Francisco where you can pay $99 on a weekday to stay at the hotel and “Just pick up the orange phone in the lobby to connect to the non-profit One Brick, which matches visitors to short-term service gigs”. You can imagine the stony glares I received from the other saloon visitors when I laughed so hard I snorted.
I also went to see Craig my fabulous gay hair dresser. Craig is very “pro-product” and I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was now washing my hair with baking soda and lemon juice. It would have most certainly killed one of the little fairies that live in Craig’s blow dryer. Did you know that a gay hair dresser’s blow dryer is full of little fairies that beat their wings so hard, and so fast, a cool forest breeze then blows gently through your hair? Yes, I am ashamed to have kept a secret from my hairdresser, but it really was for the best.
Finally, today is house cleaning day. Armed with my baking soda and trusty vacuum cleaner I will attack the floor rugs. There aren’t any hints in my “The Humble Art of Zen-Cleansing: Clean” book on dusting. So I may end up spending an hour on the internet trying to come up with an eco-friendly dusting solution. Yes, I’m sure you are thinking, “Just use a rag dumb-ass”. However a plain old rag does not leave the house smelling fresh and clean! Without the smell of clean there really isn’t much of a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.
Zombie Self Defense
I’m finally “back on the grid” after some gentle prodding from a few readers.
Per my earlier posts I have been busy training in the art of Zombie self defense. This Thursday I found my mind wandering while the class was practicing Punch Attack number 1A for the 56th time. However, I found the task much more rewarding when I imagined that my partner was a 5’2 zombie. In this scenario one had to consider body position as well as striking form. If, for example, I turned my right shoulder about 2 inches towards the left and tucked my chin a little more I would not only be able to punch my zombie partner in the temple, but I might also be able to prevent the exploding gore from landing in my eye.
Per my earlier posts I have been busy training in the art of Zombie self defense. This Thursday I found my mind wandering while the class was practicing Punch Attack number 1A for the 56th time. However, I found the task much more rewarding when I imagined that my partner was a 5’2 zombie. In this scenario one had to consider body position as well as striking form. If, for example, I turned my right shoulder about 2 inches towards the left and tucked my chin a little more I would not only be able to punch my zombie partner in the temple, but I might also be able to prevent the exploding gore from landing in my eye.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
My Alarm Clock Woes and Saving the Earth
My Self-Sufficientish Bible comes with suggestions on how to reduce the energy consumption of your electronics. Like most of our home, the bedroom floor is criss-crossed with multiple electrical extension cords. Fortunately, for the most part, they are hidden underneath the bed.
About a year ago I got a new cell phone. Its charger sits on my bedside table, and that is where it stays over night. Right next to it is my old cell phone, still plugged in and used daily as an alarm clock. Redundant? Probably. There are two reasons I keep this set up. The first reason is that I don’t want to learn how to set my alarm clock on the new cell phone. I tried it once and it didn’t work (fortunately my old cell phone was still plugged in so disaster was averted). Secondly, I’m a little OCD on the whole alarm clock “thing”. Even as a teenager I would check my alarm clock at least three times each night after I had already climbed in to bed. After a lot of hard work I now only check it once (even though I know it is set to go off on a reoccurring basis). Sometimes if I am particularly anxious or upset I will check it twice. The thought of going cold turkey on my old alarm set up makes me anxious. I have tried it once or twice over the last month and some times the new cell alarm works, other times it does not.
Now, the “Bible” suggests that energy can be saved if you take your cell phones off the home chargers and use your car chargers instead. This makes sense I guess. But then I will have to replace my alarm clock. Although the book didn’t suggest this exact solution, it will work non-the-less. Introducing, the water powered alarm clock … http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/lights/757e/ . Yes I will be purchasing one. I’ll let you know how it goes. I will also be moving my cell phone charges to the car.
Other electronic tid-bits for power whores like VSC and myself:
Lighting: Of course use fluorescent bulbs. Even I know that. However, also try to use lower wattage bulbs when possible.
T.V.: Plasma screens consume the most wattage. Some manufacturers, like Sharp, have been awarded eco labels.
MP3 Players: Hot Dog! MP3 players are good for the environment! Think of all the “bad juju” that goes in to making a CD.
DVD’s: Netflix is also good for the environment! Finally, I was doing something right for a change.
Standby: Take those electronics off of standby mode. Up to 10% of your electricity bill could be a result of standby.
** Side note. I actually tried to do this once just to save money. I went around and unplugged everything I could think of. VSC questioned my tactics. Apparently, I didn’t really understand what “standby mode” meant. So for dumb arses like me, the hippies have created the Bye Bye Standby Kit http://www.earthtechproducts.com/bye-bye-standby.html . At $30.00 a kit, I think I’d rather delegate this to VSC.
Remote Controls and Batteries: The “Bible” suggests that remote controls don’t use as much power as some other battery powered electronics in your home. So, batteries that no longer work for your digital camera (as an example) will most likely still work in your remote control. Also, I’m supposed to use rechargeable batteries. However, for the record, can I say I hate rechargeable batteries? Our electrical outlets are already used to capacity. Where the hell am I supposed to plug in the battery chargers? They are ugly and always seem to be in the way. You almost have to put them on a flat surface, because if you lie them on the floor you just forget where the hell you put them and then forget to use them.
About a year ago I got a new cell phone. Its charger sits on my bedside table, and that is where it stays over night. Right next to it is my old cell phone, still plugged in and used daily as an alarm clock. Redundant? Probably. There are two reasons I keep this set up. The first reason is that I don’t want to learn how to set my alarm clock on the new cell phone. I tried it once and it didn’t work (fortunately my old cell phone was still plugged in so disaster was averted). Secondly, I’m a little OCD on the whole alarm clock “thing”. Even as a teenager I would check my alarm clock at least three times each night after I had already climbed in to bed. After a lot of hard work I now only check it once (even though I know it is set to go off on a reoccurring basis). Sometimes if I am particularly anxious or upset I will check it twice. The thought of going cold turkey on my old alarm set up makes me anxious. I have tried it once or twice over the last month and some times the new cell alarm works, other times it does not.
Now, the “Bible” suggests that energy can be saved if you take your cell phones off the home chargers and use your car chargers instead. This makes sense I guess. But then I will have to replace my alarm clock. Although the book didn’t suggest this exact solution, it will work non-the-less. Introducing, the water powered alarm clock … http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/lights/757e/ . Yes I will be purchasing one. I’ll let you know how it goes. I will also be moving my cell phone charges to the car.
Other electronic tid-bits for power whores like VSC and myself:
Lighting: Of course use fluorescent bulbs. Even I know that. However, also try to use lower wattage bulbs when possible.
T.V.: Plasma screens consume the most wattage. Some manufacturers, like Sharp, have been awarded eco labels.
MP3 Players: Hot Dog! MP3 players are good for the environment! Think of all the “bad juju” that goes in to making a CD.
DVD’s: Netflix is also good for the environment! Finally, I was doing something right for a change.
Standby: Take those electronics off of standby mode. Up to 10% of your electricity bill could be a result of standby.
** Side note. I actually tried to do this once just to save money. I went around and unplugged everything I could think of. VSC questioned my tactics. Apparently, I didn’t really understand what “standby mode” meant. So for dumb arses like me, the hippies have created the Bye Bye Standby Kit http://www.earthtechproducts.com/bye-bye-standby.html . At $30.00 a kit, I think I’d rather delegate this to VSC.
Remote Controls and Batteries: The “Bible” suggests that remote controls don’t use as much power as some other battery powered electronics in your home. So, batteries that no longer work for your digital camera (as an example) will most likely still work in your remote control. Also, I’m supposed to use rechargeable batteries. However, for the record, can I say I hate rechargeable batteries? Our electrical outlets are already used to capacity. Where the hell am I supposed to plug in the battery chargers? They are ugly and always seem to be in the way. You almost have to put them on a flat surface, because if you lie them on the floor you just forget where the hell you put them and then forget to use them.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Learning to Kick Zombie Arse
Monday was my first night back in Martial Arts in order to re-learn how to kick zombie ass. As I said earlier, guns are cool but eventually the ammo is going to run low. And I don’t want to have to choose between shooting blindly into a zombie hoard and a nice squirrel dinner. I’d rather be in shape and a). Be able to run away or b). Be able to go XXX on their arses.
I joined Hand To Hand Kajukenbo in Oakland for a six week beginners’ class. I figured it’s been years since I trained so it would be best to take it slow. I feared for the safety of my knees and back. This dojo is unique for two reasons. First I was pleasantly surprised to see that the majority of its members are women. Actually that’s why I joined it. Even the instructors are chicks. It’s novel not to be the only woman / girl in class. I can’t put my finger on why it seems so important, but it is. Second, they actually use pads at HTH. No shit! In the good ol’ days we would just line up across from each other and practice kicking and hitting each others bodies. Of course we were encouraged to block, but if something got through the teachers figured it was a good chance to build up your stomach muscles and practice your ki (I’m sure that isn’t spelled right). We just figured it built character to go home with bruises. Now days people put 3 inch thick pads on their hands. Novel. Actually, I find it all very cute. There’s no running barefoot on loose gravel. No knuckle push ups on sand. No lying in a line on your back so your instructors can run across your stomachs. Instead we played “tunnel tag”, sat in a circle and meditated for a few minutes, and practiced kicking and hitting our partners hand pads. Giggle. I did however come home with a scratch on my forehead because I got overly competitive during tunnel tag. It’s like this little Tasmanian devil takes hold of my soul and sends me madly spinning and frothing around. Sad really. I need to get better control of my desire to hurt things. VSC wondered where the scratch came from but was nice enough not to ask for details. Although I "mock" (because let's face it... that's what I do), I really appreciate the effort our Sifu put in to create a comfortable environment. The bit of silliness got even the coldest fish (i.e. me) out of my shell a bit. Her methods for teaching technique were sound, and I am looking forward to learning new things and breaking some very old, and very bad, habits.
The dojo is beautiful and my new Sifu seems knowledgeable . A few minor differences are already apparent. They use a shortened Tiger stance as a beginner stance. I don’t ever recall using a Tiger stance and it leaves me feeling off balance, so I find myself checking the spacing between my feet a lot so I can learn how to do it correctly. They also have a new term for the assistant teacher (a green belt) which is Sijeh (pronounced C.J.) and call the dojo a Kwoon. Most everything else seemed familiar enough.
Once again I found myself in the awkward position of being asked “What brought you to ____ (fill in blank … this booth, this class, this idea). I will never ask another human being this question EVER. However, I was better prepared this time and mumbled something about reinventing myself. In my head I could hear the theme song to the Six Million Dollar Man; I will be stronger, faster, etc., etc. I need to find / buy a shirt that says something like “Here to Kick Zombie Ass” or “Planning for the Post-Apocalypse” or “What the Hell Do You Care?” so that in the future when I’m asked this question I can just wear my damn t-shirt and point to my boobs.
The next class is Thursday night. I’m very much looking forward to it and hope this turns in to a long term commitment for me. It feels good. Also, for the first time in about 6 months I actually went to bed without taking a sleeping “aide”. The next morning I remembered my dream which was a really hot, pseudo cyberpunk / steam punk adventure tale. Go Me! No zombies though (insert sigh).
I joined Hand To Hand Kajukenbo in Oakland for a six week beginners’ class. I figured it’s been years since I trained so it would be best to take it slow. I feared for the safety of my knees and back. This dojo is unique for two reasons. First I was pleasantly surprised to see that the majority of its members are women. Actually that’s why I joined it. Even the instructors are chicks. It’s novel not to be the only woman / girl in class. I can’t put my finger on why it seems so important, but it is. Second, they actually use pads at HTH. No shit! In the good ol’ days we would just line up across from each other and practice kicking and hitting each others bodies. Of course we were encouraged to block, but if something got through the teachers figured it was a good chance to build up your stomach muscles and practice your ki (I’m sure that isn’t spelled right). We just figured it built character to go home with bruises. Now days people put 3 inch thick pads on their hands. Novel. Actually, I find it all very cute. There’s no running barefoot on loose gravel. No knuckle push ups on sand. No lying in a line on your back so your instructors can run across your stomachs. Instead we played “tunnel tag”, sat in a circle and meditated for a few minutes, and practiced kicking and hitting our partners hand pads. Giggle. I did however come home with a scratch on my forehead because I got overly competitive during tunnel tag. It’s like this little Tasmanian devil takes hold of my soul and sends me madly spinning and frothing around. Sad really. I need to get better control of my desire to hurt things. VSC wondered where the scratch came from but was nice enough not to ask for details. Although I "mock" (because let's face it... that's what I do), I really appreciate the effort our Sifu put in to create a comfortable environment. The bit of silliness got even the coldest fish (i.e. me) out of my shell a bit. Her methods for teaching technique were sound, and I am looking forward to learning new things and breaking some very old, and very bad, habits.
The dojo is beautiful and my new Sifu seems knowledgeable . A few minor differences are already apparent. They use a shortened Tiger stance as a beginner stance. I don’t ever recall using a Tiger stance and it leaves me feeling off balance, so I find myself checking the spacing between my feet a lot so I can learn how to do it correctly. They also have a new term for the assistant teacher (a green belt) which is Sijeh (pronounced C.J.) and call the dojo a Kwoon. Most everything else seemed familiar enough.
Once again I found myself in the awkward position of being asked “What brought you to ____ (fill in blank … this booth, this class, this idea). I will never ask another human being this question EVER. However, I was better prepared this time and mumbled something about reinventing myself. In my head I could hear the theme song to the Six Million Dollar Man; I will be stronger, faster, etc., etc. I need to find / buy a shirt that says something like “Here to Kick Zombie Ass” or “Planning for the Post-Apocalypse” or “What the Hell Do You Care?” so that in the future when I’m asked this question I can just wear my damn t-shirt and point to my boobs.
The next class is Thursday night. I’m very much looking forward to it and hope this turns in to a long term commitment for me. It feels good. Also, for the first time in about 6 months I actually went to bed without taking a sleeping “aide”. The next morning I remembered my dream which was a really hot, pseudo cyberpunk / steam punk adventure tale. Go Me! No zombies though (insert sigh).
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Adrea Vs. The Maker Fair
Today we went to the Maker Fair. The Maker Fair is a two-day event where visitors and vendors make, create, invent, craft, recycle, think and play. There are booths set up that “celebrate” arts, crafts, engineering, food, music, science and technology. This year’s them was “Green”. Perfect! Right?
My very first impression was that I’m going to have to re-think “green” deodorant. As a whole, the crowd smelled rank. Outside, the cool San Mateo breeze offered some sense of relief. However, inside and within the confines of the crowded exhibit halls the smell was unreal.
I decided to make a beeline to the Homegrown Village. Here I expected to learn all about growing vegetables, recycling, and self-sufficient living. Kum-bye-frackin-ya. Instead I ran into the Vegetarian from hell.
Transcript:
Vegetarian Whore: (smiling) Hello. Are you a vegetarian?
Me: No. I’m just here to learn more.
Vegetarian Whore: (still smiling) Learn more? What would you like to know?
Me: (making a sweeping gesture with my hands across the pamphlets laid out on the table in front of me). Well, I just started caring about this stuff about a month ago.
Vegetarian Whore: (Frowning) Oh. What do you mean? (Long uncomfortable pause). So, what made you decide to um …. (pause).
Me: (Now at this point I decided it would be unwise to explain that I’m pro-apocalypse and anti zombie). Well, I’m a teacher and this stuff is supposed to be important and … um stuff.
Vegetarian Whore: Ya. Um. Here take this (hands me a booklet called, “Vegetarian Starter Kit”).
Me: Ok, thanks (and I run away).
Needless to say, I don’t feel like my first exchange as an “enlightened” self-sufficientish zombie fighter went very well. I was pretty offended actually. I started breaking down the exchange in my head and decided that I lacked the religious fervor to stand toe to toe with these freaks.
I then went in search of EcoBoxes. They didn’t have any to sell, just more pamphlets. For people so worried about the environment, these hippies sure did like their multi-colored pamphlets. The EcoBoxes were less than inspiring. If they had any, they would be selling them for $60.00. Instead the man told me that if I attended a class I could buy one for $40.00. I said, “Well, it looks pretty self explanatory”. I think he was offended. So, he pulled out yet another pamphlet (this one bound and about 20 pages in length) and started flipping through it explaining to me all the things I could learn in the class. I smiled and decided to play along. “Ok then, so when does your next class start?” He looked kind of confused. “Well actually, the class is on Thursday, but it’s our last one”. I shrugged and mumbled something about learning how to kick zombie head on Thursdays so I couldn’t attend. He didn’t seem to care much. Instead he directed me to a neon pink handout that told me where I could purchase EcoBoxes on line. I decided I could go to Home Depot instead and make one for about $12.00.
I know it sounds like I had a terrible time, but I really didn’t. I’m not so much a “maker” as I am a “buyer” so I ended up with two books and a really cool SteamPunk necklace (thanks to VSC’s mom). The books we purchased were The Humble art of Zen-Cleansing Clean and The Humble art of Zen-Cleansing Body. “Clean” is an A-Z cleaning guide for the home using the 5 Zen Cleansing ingredients Baking Sods, Borax, Lemon, Salt and White Vinegar. The “Body” book reads more like a zen prostitutes guide to self-care. It includes tips on how to clean/ care for ta-tas, vaginas, and discolored knees using the same 5 Zen Cleansing ingredients.
My very first impression was that I’m going to have to re-think “green” deodorant. As a whole, the crowd smelled rank. Outside, the cool San Mateo breeze offered some sense of relief. However, inside and within the confines of the crowded exhibit halls the smell was unreal.
I decided to make a beeline to the Homegrown Village. Here I expected to learn all about growing vegetables, recycling, and self-sufficient living. Kum-bye-frackin-ya. Instead I ran into the Vegetarian from hell.
Transcript:
Vegetarian Whore: (smiling) Hello. Are you a vegetarian?
Me: No. I’m just here to learn more.
Vegetarian Whore: (still smiling) Learn more? What would you like to know?
Me: (making a sweeping gesture with my hands across the pamphlets laid out on the table in front of me). Well, I just started caring about this stuff about a month ago.
Vegetarian Whore: (Frowning) Oh. What do you mean? (Long uncomfortable pause). So, what made you decide to um …. (pause).
Me: (Now at this point I decided it would be unwise to explain that I’m pro-apocalypse and anti zombie). Well, I’m a teacher and this stuff is supposed to be important and … um stuff.
Vegetarian Whore: Ya. Um. Here take this (hands me a booklet called, “Vegetarian Starter Kit”).
Me: Ok, thanks (and I run away).
Needless to say, I don’t feel like my first exchange as an “enlightened” self-sufficientish zombie fighter went very well. I was pretty offended actually. I started breaking down the exchange in my head and decided that I lacked the religious fervor to stand toe to toe with these freaks.
I then went in search of EcoBoxes. They didn’t have any to sell, just more pamphlets. For people so worried about the environment, these hippies sure did like their multi-colored pamphlets. The EcoBoxes were less than inspiring. If they had any, they would be selling them for $60.00. Instead the man told me that if I attended a class I could buy one for $40.00. I said, “Well, it looks pretty self explanatory”. I think he was offended. So, he pulled out yet another pamphlet (this one bound and about 20 pages in length) and started flipping through it explaining to me all the things I could learn in the class. I smiled and decided to play along. “Ok then, so when does your next class start?” He looked kind of confused. “Well actually, the class is on Thursday, but it’s our last one”. I shrugged and mumbled something about learning how to kick zombie head on Thursdays so I couldn’t attend. He didn’t seem to care much. Instead he directed me to a neon pink handout that told me where I could purchase EcoBoxes on line. I decided I could go to Home Depot instead and make one for about $12.00.
I know it sounds like I had a terrible time, but I really didn’t. I’m not so much a “maker” as I am a “buyer” so I ended up with two books and a really cool SteamPunk necklace (thanks to VSC’s mom). The books we purchased were The Humble art of Zen-Cleansing Clean and The Humble art of Zen-Cleansing Body. “Clean” is an A-Z cleaning guide for the home using the 5 Zen Cleansing ingredients Baking Sods, Borax, Lemon, Salt and White Vinegar. The “Body” book reads more like a zen prostitutes guide to self-care. It includes tips on how to clean/ care for ta-tas, vaginas, and discolored knees using the same 5 Zen Cleansing ingredients.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Bedroom Day 1
My next stop on this journey is the bedroom. Standing at the door, I look around. I see two beds. How very Flinstones of us! If only my parents knew the truth. I’m banished from the family because I sleep with another woman, but technically we don’t even sleep in the same bed. Ironic. Anyway, we have two beds because my back is so fracked up I can’t sleep on a regular mattress. There are many pillows, two sets of sheets, down comforters, and covers. There are also two side tables from Ikea, two lamps, and a bunch of electronics chargers. On my bedside table I have two cell phones and one lamp. There are also a bunch of books and magazines. VSC has a lamp and at least 3 chargers. In one corner is an antique cabinet and a hanging light string from Monterey. There are some pictures on the wall.
This should be simple enough …
Bedding: The most common material used for bedding is cotton. Although “natural” the cotton industry bathes the stuff in chemical fertilizers and insecticides. Cotton growers also like their child labor. Now, in the past I was definitely PRO child labor … but now that I’m all hippi I have to be anti child labor (insert sigh here). Although I question many of the facts in my Self-Sufficientish Bible I will share them just in case they might be true. According to Andy and Dave, “cotton accounts for just 3 per cent of farmland and 15 – 55 per cent of pesticides used in its production”. 15 – 55 per cent? Quite a margin for error there guys. Anyhoo … moving on.
Suggested alternatives to cotton are hemp and wool. The price hierarchy is as follows hemp $$$, wool $$, and cotton $. Hemp takes less time to grow, and is 4 times more durable than cotton. Wool has excellent thermal properties and will usually last longer than cotton. When deciding which option you may choose, consider where the materials actually came from. If the wool is being shipped from the UK and the hemp comes from India, you aren’t really “saving the planet” much after shipping and handling.
So, let’s go shopping. My one criterion was that the materials were grown in the United States. Holy Lamb Organics is located in Northern California which was an added bonus.
Twin Hemp Comforter: $399 at http://www.rawganique.com
Twin Wool Comforter: $289 at http://holylamborganics.com
Twin Organic Cotton Comforter: $165 at http://www.theorganicnest.com
Of course, I have no intention of trading in my Ikea bedding until my toes start getting caught in holes, but its good to know that the next time I have to replace my bedding I’m going to need a whole lot of cash. Good thing I’m saving all that money on toothpaste.
This should be simple enough …
Bedding: The most common material used for bedding is cotton. Although “natural” the cotton industry bathes the stuff in chemical fertilizers and insecticides. Cotton growers also like their child labor. Now, in the past I was definitely PRO child labor … but now that I’m all hippi I have to be anti child labor (insert sigh here). Although I question many of the facts in my Self-Sufficientish Bible I will share them just in case they might be true. According to Andy and Dave, “cotton accounts for just 3 per cent of farmland and 15 – 55 per cent of pesticides used in its production”. 15 – 55 per cent? Quite a margin for error there guys. Anyhoo … moving on.
Suggested alternatives to cotton are hemp and wool. The price hierarchy is as follows hemp $$$, wool $$, and cotton $. Hemp takes less time to grow, and is 4 times more durable than cotton. Wool has excellent thermal properties and will usually last longer than cotton. When deciding which option you may choose, consider where the materials actually came from. If the wool is being shipped from the UK and the hemp comes from India, you aren’t really “saving the planet” much after shipping and handling.
So, let’s go shopping. My one criterion was that the materials were grown in the United States. Holy Lamb Organics is located in Northern California which was an added bonus.
Twin Hemp Comforter: $399 at http://www.rawganique.com
Twin Wool Comforter: $289 at http://holylamborganics.com
Twin Organic Cotton Comforter: $165 at http://www.theorganicnest.com
Of course, I have no intention of trading in my Ikea bedding until my toes start getting caught in holes, but its good to know that the next time I have to replace my bedding I’m going to need a whole lot of cash. Good thing I’m saving all that money on toothpaste.
Bathroom: Done (for the most part)
Overhauling the contents of the bathroom is complete. Well, as complete as it is going to get for now. I haven’t updated in a few days because I haven’t had much to report. I’ve been waiting around for my hair to grow greasy, smelly and tangled. It hasn’t. I smash a lemon on top of my head every other day, throw on some baking soda, and rinse. I then brush my hair; one hundred strokes twice a day. How very anti-climatic.
We’ve swapped out or toothpaste and soap and the results have also been … well, fine.
This week is the Makers’ Fair. There will be one booth offering mini self sufficient garden systems (EcoBoxes). If they aren’t too expensive I hope to buy one for the house or classroom. My first crop will be greens for the tortoises. Currently we buy greens about once every two weeks. The two tortoises can’t possibly eat even the minimal amount we have to purchase from the grocery store. I guess we could try eating the collard greens, but frankly I just don’t like greens. Anyway, half of what we buy goes bad before it gets eaten. So, hopefully we will be less wasteful AND I can learn how to grow something besides pot plants (which, for the record, I haven’t done in about 10 years).
On Monday my martial arts classes start. Expect much bitching and moaning come Wednesday, as that is when I expect the pain to set in. Oh well, it will give me a reason to research anti-pain solutions to go in the bathroom cabinet.
We’ve swapped out or toothpaste and soap and the results have also been … well, fine.
This week is the Makers’ Fair. There will be one booth offering mini self sufficient garden systems (EcoBoxes). If they aren’t too expensive I hope to buy one for the house or classroom. My first crop will be greens for the tortoises. Currently we buy greens about once every two weeks. The two tortoises can’t possibly eat even the minimal amount we have to purchase from the grocery store. I guess we could try eating the collard greens, but frankly I just don’t like greens. Anyway, half of what we buy goes bad before it gets eaten. So, hopefully we will be less wasteful AND I can learn how to grow something besides pot plants (which, for the record, I haven’t done in about 10 years).
On Monday my martial arts classes start. Expect much bitching and moaning come Wednesday, as that is when I expect the pain to set in. Oh well, it will give me a reason to research anti-pain solutions to go in the bathroom cabinet.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
A Note of Clarification: To My Critics
Since starting this experiment several people have pointed out that many of the products I am using probably won’t be available during the post-apocalypse. So, should I learn how to make baking soda? Should I really be rendering fat in my backyard so that I can make soap from scratch? The answer of course is no. After much thought I have come to the following conclusion.
I will do my best to come up with self-sufficientish solutions that can be used in the post-apocalypse. However, if the solutions aren’t sustainable in the post-apocalypse they will at very least be sustainable in 2009 – 2010 and cheaper then the none eco-friendly alternatives. As a bit of a compromise I will list the products I am using now, and research the products or methods I would use in the post-apocalypse.
As an example, for soap I am using Sappo Hill Aloe / Oatmeal. However in the post-apocalypse bathing is really just used to kill odor causing bacteria on the body. Water will probably be at a premium so any rag combined with an alcohol containing product will work. This includes rubbing alcohol, lotions containing alcohol, baby towlets, anything that can be scavenged. Instead of Soap Seeds simply turn your clothing inside out, shake vigorously, and leave in bright sunlight. The sun-washed clothes will smell and feel cleaner. The ultra-violet radiation will cook the critters hanging out in your sweat and dead skin cells. Instead of washing my hair with baking soda and lemon juice, greasy hair can be combated with small amounts of baby powder. I’m telling you, it really pays to have a baby in the house when the post-apocalypse comes. Between the alcohol soaked towlets, bottles, and baby powder you’ve got most everything you need to stay clean. Teeth can be cleaned with a rag instead of a toothbrush, and salt and / or baking soda will replace toothpaste. (See When All Hell Breaks Loose by Cody Lundin for more).
On a side note, I start martial arts classes in June. Guns are great, but when the ammo is running low a solid side-kick to zombie head might buy me the time I need to run away.
I will do my best to come up with self-sufficientish solutions that can be used in the post-apocalypse. However, if the solutions aren’t sustainable in the post-apocalypse they will at very least be sustainable in 2009 – 2010 and cheaper then the none eco-friendly alternatives. As a bit of a compromise I will list the products I am using now, and research the products or methods I would use in the post-apocalypse.
As an example, for soap I am using Sappo Hill Aloe / Oatmeal. However in the post-apocalypse bathing is really just used to kill odor causing bacteria on the body. Water will probably be at a premium so any rag combined with an alcohol containing product will work. This includes rubbing alcohol, lotions containing alcohol, baby towlets, anything that can be scavenged. Instead of Soap Seeds simply turn your clothing inside out, shake vigorously, and leave in bright sunlight. The sun-washed clothes will smell and feel cleaner. The ultra-violet radiation will cook the critters hanging out in your sweat and dead skin cells. Instead of washing my hair with baking soda and lemon juice, greasy hair can be combated with small amounts of baby powder. I’m telling you, it really pays to have a baby in the house when the post-apocalypse comes. Between the alcohol soaked towlets, bottles, and baby powder you’ve got most everything you need to stay clean. Teeth can be cleaned with a rag instead of a toothbrush, and salt and / or baking soda will replace toothpaste. (See When All Hell Breaks Loose by Cody Lundin for more).
On a side note, I start martial arts classes in June. Guns are great, but when the ammo is running low a solid side-kick to zombie head might buy me the time I need to run away.
My Trip to a Hippi Haven
Big day today, it was my first trip to a hippi haven. I’ve lost track of how many years I’ve lived in the Berkeley / Oakland area. However, I can say that I’ve driven by the Berkeley Bowl at least 50 or 60 times. I felt a bit embarrassed admitting to VSC that I thought the Berkeley Bowl was a local bowling ally. Honest mistake right?
So, my first impression is that hippies need to stay on their damn bicycles because they sure as hell don’t know how to drive (or for that matter park) cars. After nearly 10 minutes in the parking lot I was feeling no love, joy, or peace. I was aggravated and pissed off. We eventually got inside and decided to start by getting lunch at the cafeteria. Aggravated I ordered some Chinese food and grumbled over having to sit cafeteria style with a bunch of strangers. However, I very nice older man extended the first proverbial olive leaf and offered to move down a seat so that VSC and I could sit together. I’m telling you people, little acts of kindness can make all the difference in someone’s life. After sitting for a few minutes we struck up a conversation with an elderly Asian family across the table from us. They lived in San Francisco but had come to Berkeley so that the husband could get low cost acupuncture at the Acupuncture School and Clinic on Shattuck. We can’t wait to try the place out.
After lunch I was in a much better mood. We made a beeline for the soap isle where I got some inexpensive yet completely eco-friendly soap and face scrub. We also picked up some Soap Seeds to try in our washer. Supposedly I’ll get a minimum of 300 loads of laundry out of one bag of Soap Seeds (both cleans and softens clothing). The cost was about $22.00. I chose two types of soap. One cost $1.15 and the other $1.75.
VSC then showed me around the huge vegetable section and the bulk bins full of baking soda (.85 / lb.), every kind of flour imaginable, dried pasta, beans, fruits, candies, etc. She explained that the bulk bins and vegetable section were the real reason the Berkeley Bowl was so popular. We picked up some fresh greens for the tortoises and I’ll probably start buying baking soda in bulk.
So, my first impression is that hippies need to stay on their damn bicycles because they sure as hell don’t know how to drive (or for that matter park) cars. After nearly 10 minutes in the parking lot I was feeling no love, joy, or peace. I was aggravated and pissed off. We eventually got inside and decided to start by getting lunch at the cafeteria. Aggravated I ordered some Chinese food and grumbled over having to sit cafeteria style with a bunch of strangers. However, I very nice older man extended the first proverbial olive leaf and offered to move down a seat so that VSC and I could sit together. I’m telling you people, little acts of kindness can make all the difference in someone’s life. After sitting for a few minutes we struck up a conversation with an elderly Asian family across the table from us. They lived in San Francisco but had come to Berkeley so that the husband could get low cost acupuncture at the Acupuncture School and Clinic on Shattuck. We can’t wait to try the place out.
After lunch I was in a much better mood. We made a beeline for the soap isle where I got some inexpensive yet completely eco-friendly soap and face scrub. We also picked up some Soap Seeds to try in our washer. Supposedly I’ll get a minimum of 300 loads of laundry out of one bag of Soap Seeds (both cleans and softens clothing). The cost was about $22.00. I chose two types of soap. One cost $1.15 and the other $1.75.
VSC then showed me around the huge vegetable section and the bulk bins full of baking soda (.85 / lb.), every kind of flour imaginable, dried pasta, beans, fruits, candies, etc. She explained that the bulk bins and vegetable section were the real reason the Berkeley Bowl was so popular. We picked up some fresh greens for the tortoises and I’ll probably start buying baking soda in bulk.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Shapoo Experiment Day 1
I want to say how much I'm enjoying my new toothpaste. I'm obsessing a little, and flossing more than usual, but I believe that these ocd moments are transitory in nature.
Moving on. Last night I decided to implement the new shampoo. First I added a tablespoon of lemon juice to a cup of water. I then added a teaspoon of baking soda. I showed my concoction to VSC who thought that mixing the two key ingredients (lemon juice and baking soda) probably rendered each useless. Grumbling I returned to the kitchen. This time I added a tablespoon of lemon juice to a cup of water. I then dumped a bunch of baking soda into a separate cup and carried along a teaspoon. Triumphant I returned to the living room. This time VSC pointed out that entering the shower with about 5 teaspoons of baking soda, when I only needed 1, would surely result in a wet pasty mash. Grumbling I returned to the kitchen. I dumped the baking soda back into the Arm & Hammer box. I then measured out only 1 teaspoon of baking soda into my cup and returned to the living room with 1 cup of water / lemon juice mixture and 1 teaspoon baking soda in a separate cup. Finally I was ready for the shower. VSC insisted on watching as she thought this was all very funny.
Once in the shower I turned on the hot water so my toes weren't cold. I then wet my hair a little and dumped the baking soda on top. I massaged gently. Next I added the lemon juice / water mixture to the top of my head. This resulted in mass profanity because the mixture was frackin' cold. However I persevered and massaged gently. VSC advised me that the Aussie was very concerned about my progress. She was pacing outside the bathroom door and attempting to push her head in to check on my well being. Eventually I managed to complete my hair washing. Exhausted I exited the shower, brushed out the wet hair, and put myself to bed.
Today my hair smelled like hair. I also noticed that we are almost out of soap. Are you fucking kidding me? I can't possibly be expected to replace toothpaste, shampoo and soap all in the same week. Sigh.
Moving on. Last night I decided to implement the new shampoo. First I added a tablespoon of lemon juice to a cup of water. I then added a teaspoon of baking soda. I showed my concoction to VSC who thought that mixing the two key ingredients (lemon juice and baking soda) probably rendered each useless. Grumbling I returned to the kitchen. This time I added a tablespoon of lemon juice to a cup of water. I then dumped a bunch of baking soda into a separate cup and carried along a teaspoon. Triumphant I returned to the living room. This time VSC pointed out that entering the shower with about 5 teaspoons of baking soda, when I only needed 1, would surely result in a wet pasty mash. Grumbling I returned to the kitchen. I dumped the baking soda back into the Arm & Hammer box. I then measured out only 1 teaspoon of baking soda into my cup and returned to the living room with 1 cup of water / lemon juice mixture and 1 teaspoon baking soda in a separate cup. Finally I was ready for the shower. VSC insisted on watching as she thought this was all very funny.
Once in the shower I turned on the hot water so my toes weren't cold. I then wet my hair a little and dumped the baking soda on top. I massaged gently. Next I added the lemon juice / water mixture to the top of my head. This resulted in mass profanity because the mixture was frackin' cold. However I persevered and massaged gently. VSC advised me that the Aussie was very concerned about my progress. She was pacing outside the bathroom door and attempting to push her head in to check on my well being. Eventually I managed to complete my hair washing. Exhausted I exited the shower, brushed out the wet hair, and put myself to bed.
Today my hair smelled like hair. I also noticed that we are almost out of soap. Are you fucking kidding me? I can't possibly be expected to replace toothpaste, shampoo and soap all in the same week. Sigh.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Task #2: Shampoo
Well task #1 (the toothpaste experiment) was pretty simple to execute. In less than 24-hours I’ve made one significant life change. Two if you include the new toothbrush. It’s now time for task #2.
I am running dangerously low on shampoo. When it comes to shampoo, cheaper is better for me. I shower every day. It’s my religion. If I’m doing yard work, going out somewhere special, washing the dogs, etc. I might shower twice a day. Whenever I shower I use shampoo and conditioner. I gravitate towards the more inexpensive choices and usually end up buying Suave (I like to let people think I spend a fortune on my hair. pfft.) or TreSemme’. If I manage to roll a hooker (ala GTA muthafucka’) then I’ll treat myself to Aveda Rosemary / Mint shampoo and conditioner.
According to the book, ordinary shampoos contain many different chemicals. Although Andy and Dave go in to no real detail, they do state that, “shampoos contain vast numbers of chemicals that surely can’t be good for us”. Surely? Well ok. Not the most scientific statement I’ve ever read … but I’ll bite.
If you’re rich you can afford to visit some hippi haven and purchase chemical-free, fair trade, completely recycled vegan baby, hair rinse. I do not have a lot of money. I am looking for a cheaper solution. I am also looking for a post-apocalyptic solution.
First, I’d like to say that “natural hair care” options are disgusting. Therefore my goal is to find the least nauseating solution to my problem. One option is to not wash my hair at all. I did this once after surgery. I left my hair unwashed for about 3 days. It matted. It was greasy … it was nasty. I’ve blocked most of the details of the experience out. However, according to dreadlock wearing hippies everywhere, the reason for the smelly and greasy hair is, “that your sebaceous glands over-produce sebum (even sounds dirty), which is a lubricant, to compensate for the drying effects of shampoo, which strips your hair of its natural oils. Once you leave your hair alone it will adapt and the sebaceous glands will settle down”. M’Kay. Next option please …
The “Beaten Egg” solution. Simple enough. Beat an egg and wash it into your hair with cold water. Wait. COLD water? This will never happen. I am no where near taking on the task of taking cold showers. That is somewhere farther in the future, much farther, some where between growing my own vegetables and owning a compost toilet.
Cider Vinegar. If you have dark hair, wash with cider vinegar. Nope, I’ve got blonde hair.
Lemon Juice. If you have light hair, massage in lemon juice and rinse. Hey now, this might work. Massage? I like massages. Lemon juice? I like lemons. No cold water requirement. I just might be sold on this solution.
Baby Shampoo is usually free of chemicals. But like Aveda and hippi havens, I don’t want to have to rely on finding baby shampoo in the post-apocalypse. Besides will there even be babies? Aren’t they usually the first to be eaten by zombies and wasteland vagrants? Once the finite amount of baby shampoo has been all used up I don’t see MegaCorp spending its limited resources manufacturing baby shampoo when there aren’t any babies left. Moving on …
Ok, so shampoo problem solved. I’ll use lemons. Still pending is the conditioner problem. Consider this … your average hippi chick has long, straight, flat, parted down the middle, hair. I do not. I have long, naturally curly, no part needed hair. I value my hair almost as much as I value my perfect teeth. NOT using conditioner could be a complete and utter catastrophe. Fortunately, the shampoo is going to run out long before the conditioner. I have a few weeks to come up with a conditioner solution. If anyone out there has one, please share it quickly!!!
Today I purchased 7 fl. oz. of lemon juice and (6) lemons to get started. I wanted the lemon juice because the plastic container is reusable and should hold up in the shower. The lemons seemed a little expensive to me, so I’m going to hit the farmers market and see if I can find them for cheaper. If not, then maybe a lemon tree will have to be my first plant. On the back of my Arm & Hammer box it says that adding 1 tsp. of baking soda to your shampoo each week will create fuller, more manageable hair. I wonder what will happen if I mix Baking Soda and lemon juice? Fortunately shortly after this thought I fielded a call from Lisaici who had some helpful hints. 1. Mix lemon juice with warm water. 2. Definitely add baking soda to the mix. 3. If lemons become too expensive switch to Cider Vinegar.
Lemons – $6 (2 for $1.00)
Sicilia Lemon Juice (lemon juice, lemon oil, preserved with sulphur dioxide) in a reusable container – 7 oz. for $2.29.
Baking Soda: Bought and paid for.
I am running dangerously low on shampoo. When it comes to shampoo, cheaper is better for me. I shower every day. It’s my religion. If I’m doing yard work, going out somewhere special, washing the dogs, etc. I might shower twice a day. Whenever I shower I use shampoo and conditioner. I gravitate towards the more inexpensive choices and usually end up buying Suave (I like to let people think I spend a fortune on my hair. pfft.) or TreSemme’. If I manage to roll a hooker (ala GTA muthafucka’) then I’ll treat myself to Aveda Rosemary / Mint shampoo and conditioner.
According to the book, ordinary shampoos contain many different chemicals. Although Andy and Dave go in to no real detail, they do state that, “shampoos contain vast numbers of chemicals that surely can’t be good for us”. Surely? Well ok. Not the most scientific statement I’ve ever read … but I’ll bite.
If you’re rich you can afford to visit some hippi haven and purchase chemical-free, fair trade, completely recycled vegan baby, hair rinse. I do not have a lot of money. I am looking for a cheaper solution. I am also looking for a post-apocalyptic solution.
First, I’d like to say that “natural hair care” options are disgusting. Therefore my goal is to find the least nauseating solution to my problem. One option is to not wash my hair at all. I did this once after surgery. I left my hair unwashed for about 3 days. It matted. It was greasy … it was nasty. I’ve blocked most of the details of the experience out. However, according to dreadlock wearing hippies everywhere, the reason for the smelly and greasy hair is, “that your sebaceous glands over-produce sebum (even sounds dirty), which is a lubricant, to compensate for the drying effects of shampoo, which strips your hair of its natural oils. Once you leave your hair alone it will adapt and the sebaceous glands will settle down”. M’Kay. Next option please …
The “Beaten Egg” solution. Simple enough. Beat an egg and wash it into your hair with cold water. Wait. COLD water? This will never happen. I am no where near taking on the task of taking cold showers. That is somewhere farther in the future, much farther, some where between growing my own vegetables and owning a compost toilet.
Cider Vinegar. If you have dark hair, wash with cider vinegar. Nope, I’ve got blonde hair.
Lemon Juice. If you have light hair, massage in lemon juice and rinse. Hey now, this might work. Massage? I like massages. Lemon juice? I like lemons. No cold water requirement. I just might be sold on this solution.
Baby Shampoo is usually free of chemicals. But like Aveda and hippi havens, I don’t want to have to rely on finding baby shampoo in the post-apocalypse. Besides will there even be babies? Aren’t they usually the first to be eaten by zombies and wasteland vagrants? Once the finite amount of baby shampoo has been all used up I don’t see MegaCorp spending its limited resources manufacturing baby shampoo when there aren’t any babies left. Moving on …
Ok, so shampoo problem solved. I’ll use lemons. Still pending is the conditioner problem. Consider this … your average hippi chick has long, straight, flat, parted down the middle, hair. I do not. I have long, naturally curly, no part needed hair. I value my hair almost as much as I value my perfect teeth. NOT using conditioner could be a complete and utter catastrophe. Fortunately, the shampoo is going to run out long before the conditioner. I have a few weeks to come up with a conditioner solution. If anyone out there has one, please share it quickly!!!
Today I purchased 7 fl. oz. of lemon juice and (6) lemons to get started. I wanted the lemon juice because the plastic container is reusable and should hold up in the shower. The lemons seemed a little expensive to me, so I’m going to hit the farmers market and see if I can find them for cheaper. If not, then maybe a lemon tree will have to be my first plant. On the back of my Arm & Hammer box it says that adding 1 tsp. of baking soda to your shampoo each week will create fuller, more manageable hair. I wonder what will happen if I mix Baking Soda and lemon juice? Fortunately shortly after this thought I fielded a call from Lisaici who had some helpful hints. 1. Mix lemon juice with warm water. 2. Definitely add baking soda to the mix. 3. If lemons become too expensive switch to Cider Vinegar.
Lemons – $6 (2 for $1.00)
Sicilia Lemon Juice (lemon juice, lemon oil, preserved with sulphur dioxide) in a reusable container – 7 oz. for $2.29.
Baking Soda: Bought and paid for.
Toothpaste Experiment: Final Report
Taste test completed. The paste was gritty and it really felt like it was doing something impressive to my teeth. Lot's of good foam with the added benefit of not having to add water along the way. Initially it tasted a little salty, but the aftertaste was minty and refreshing. I made a batch that should last (2) people about two weeks.
A few concerns. The first is that I had to be very careful not to swallow, and for some reason I really needed to concentrate on this fact though I'm not in the habit of swallowing regular toothpaste so why would I be inclined to swallow this stuff? Also, I usually brush my teeth in the shower and can clearly not to this anymore. That's a bummer. Finally, I poured too much HP into my shot glass, so I risked wasting my valuable supply. I ended us putting the shot glass half full in to the medicine cabinat for another day. I hope this doesn't become nasty later on.
A few concerns. The first is that I had to be very careful not to swallow, and for some reason I really needed to concentrate on this fact though I'm not in the habit of swallowing regular toothpaste so why would I be inclined to swallow this stuff? Also, I usually brush my teeth in the shower and can clearly not to this anymore. That's a bummer. Finally, I poured too much HP into my shot glass, so I risked wasting my valuable supply. I ended us putting the shot glass half full in to the medicine cabinat for another day. I hope this doesn't become nasty later on.
Toothpaste Experiment #1
I spent the majority of my day looking forward to going to the grocery store to pick up my ingredients for toothpaste. I found everything I needed at the Nob Hill located near my school. 16 fl. Oz of TopCare Hydrogen Peroxide Solution cost me $1.09. The Arm & Hammer Baking Soda came in three sizes. I decided I was going to need a bunch so I bought the 4 lb. box. This cost me $3.69 cents. I already have mint extract (and several other extracts) at home, so no need to buy more.
While at the store I figured I might as well shop for shampoo ingredients as I’m sure this will be my next task to complete. I’ll tell you more about that later.
I’m of the opinion that this new lifestyle will require patience and planning. My plan of attack is as follows:
I will organize and prioritize my “interventions” based on location. As an example, I will start by replacing all the items in my bathroom with more sustainable solutions. This will include toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant, cleaner (for tub, toilet, and sink) and any unnecessary medicines located in the cabinet. After revamping and replacing the materials and supplies in my bathroom I will probably move on to the bedroom. I expect the kitchen will be the last location that I overhaul as this will be the most extensive life-style change.
As I run out of items, I will replace them. I don’t want to simply tear through my home and throw out anything considered “bad”. This would just be wasteful and counterproductive. Instead, I will replace items as they wear out or are worn out.
Whenever making purchases for friends, family, or self I will now consider environmental impact. I don’t plan on buying new shoes or new clothing anytime in the near future. If you are a friend and have a birthday coming up, well, you’re kinda screwed. Sorry about that.
While shopping for toothpaste ingredients I realized that I also needed a new toothbrush. I quickly scanned the toothbrush isle and realized, “Oh jeez, I’m screwed”. So, I drove home and Googled “hippi toothbrush”. Sure enough, I found a solution:
Biodegradable Source Toothbrush Saves The World One Head At A Time
In their quest to save our dying planet, ecologically concerned people are often forced to make sacrifices. If you're compelled to join them, you can start by getting rid of that fancy superstore toothbrush and replace it with the Source Toothbrush, an environmentally friendly hygienic tool constructed from wood fiber and a special plastic made from Nebraska corn. Its replaceable heads also feature the world's first "radial bristling" for maximum plaque-busting power. Nobody says you have to have bad breath to be a tree hugging hippie. $7.95 [Source Toothbrush via UberReview]. The link is http://www.radiustoothbrush.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWCATS&Category=16
I decided on the Source 3-pack - soft bristles for $18.77. This will give me (3) brushes made out of recycled dollar bills, recycle flax, and recycled wood. VSC can have one, I will have one, and we will have an extra for a gift or a guest. Let me know if you are interested … I also decided to save on shipping (cost, energy, waste) and ordered Replacement Heads - soft bristles at the same time. This cost an additional $6.95. My total bill was $28.71. But I shouldn’t have to buy any nasty disposable toothbrushes for a long time.
Now, some of you might be thinking, “Isn’t there a cheaper / easier / better / more eco-friendly way?” Well yes. But first, you should know that my toothbrush has a dedicated following including Sting, Cher and Whoopi Goldberg. Whoopi frackin’ Goldberg people! Second, you should know that around 240 million plastic, non-biodegradable toothbrushes enter a landfill every year. So, an alternative had to be found.
Choice #1 was a wooden-handled toothbrush with pig hair bristles (any natural bristle will do, but pig hair caught my eye). This brush can be thrown in a compost bin when you are done using it. Well I don’t yet have a compost bin, and a wooden toothbrush costs about $3.99 ea. I go through (1) brush every three months (and frankly I should be changing it out every two months). That would cost me about $16.00 a year ($26 for both me and VSC. $38 for me, VSC and a friend). Also, some wooden toothbrushes are made in China with child labor. Child labor bad. Plundering wood from China bad. Burning jet fuel from China to Oakland bad.
Choice #2 was chewing a bitter-tasting twig from the meswak tree. When you chew on the twig sap is released. This sap will freshen your teeth. Also, chewing the twig for long periods of time will strengthen your teeth. Finally, when the twig is chewed for an even longer period of time the “splinters” act like floss. You can buy 30 Miswak online for $30.00. I didn’t look long, but I did find one site with more information and cost information. If you’re curious go to http://www.alkhaircqw.com/miswak_deal.htm. I decided against this option because I work for a living and can’t show up chewing on a stick. Also, international shipping seems wasteful. If I come across meswak twigs in some hippi store I will promise to try some.
Choice #3: My Radius toothbrush is biodegradable, made in the United States and endorsed by Sting. Need I say more?
I’m of the opinion that this new lifestyle will require patience and planning. My plan of attack is as follows:
I will organize and prioritize my “interventions” based on location. As an example, I will start by replacing all the items in my bathroom with more sustainable solutions. This will include toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant, cleaner (for tub, toilet, and sink) and any unnecessary medicines located in the cabinet. After revamping and replacing the materials and supplies in my bathroom I will probably move on to the bedroom. I expect the kitchen will be the last location that I overhaul as this will be the most extensive life-style change.
As I run out of items, I will replace them. I don’t want to simply tear through my home and throw out anything considered “bad”. This would just be wasteful and counterproductive. Instead, I will replace items as they wear out or are worn out.
Whenever making purchases for friends, family, or self I will now consider environmental impact. I don’t plan on buying new shoes or new clothing anytime in the near future. If you are a friend and have a birthday coming up, well, you’re kinda screwed. Sorry about that.
While shopping for toothpaste ingredients I realized that I also needed a new toothbrush. I quickly scanned the toothbrush isle and realized, “Oh jeez, I’m screwed”. So, I drove home and Googled “hippi toothbrush”. Sure enough, I found a solution:
Biodegradable Source Toothbrush Saves The World One Head At A Time
In their quest to save our dying planet, ecologically concerned people are often forced to make sacrifices. If you're compelled to join them, you can start by getting rid of that fancy superstore toothbrush and replace it with the Source Toothbrush, an environmentally friendly hygienic tool constructed from wood fiber and a special plastic made from Nebraska corn. Its replaceable heads also feature the world's first "radial bristling" for maximum plaque-busting power. Nobody says you have to have bad breath to be a tree hugging hippie. $7.95 [Source Toothbrush via UberReview]. The link is http://www.radiustoothbrush.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWCATS&Category=16
I decided on the Source 3-pack - soft bristles for $18.77. This will give me (3) brushes made out of recycled dollar bills, recycle flax, and recycled wood. VSC can have one, I will have one, and we will have an extra for a gift or a guest. Let me know if you are interested … I also decided to save on shipping (cost, energy, waste) and ordered Replacement Heads - soft bristles at the same time. This cost an additional $6.95. My total bill was $28.71. But I shouldn’t have to buy any nasty disposable toothbrushes for a long time.
Now, some of you might be thinking, “Isn’t there a cheaper / easier / better / more eco-friendly way?” Well yes. But first, you should know that my toothbrush has a dedicated following including Sting, Cher and Whoopi Goldberg. Whoopi frackin’ Goldberg people! Second, you should know that around 240 million plastic, non-biodegradable toothbrushes enter a landfill every year. So, an alternative had to be found.
Choice #1 was a wooden-handled toothbrush with pig hair bristles (any natural bristle will do, but pig hair caught my eye). This brush can be thrown in a compost bin when you are done using it. Well I don’t yet have a compost bin, and a wooden toothbrush costs about $3.99 ea. I go through (1) brush every three months (and frankly I should be changing it out every two months). That would cost me about $16.00 a year ($26 for both me and VSC. $38 for me, VSC and a friend). Also, some wooden toothbrushes are made in China with child labor. Child labor bad. Plundering wood from China bad. Burning jet fuel from China to Oakland bad.
Choice #2 was chewing a bitter-tasting twig from the meswak tree. When you chew on the twig sap is released. This sap will freshen your teeth. Also, chewing the twig for long periods of time will strengthen your teeth. Finally, when the twig is chewed for an even longer period of time the “splinters” act like floss. You can buy 30 Miswak online for $30.00. I didn’t look long, but I did find one site with more information and cost information. If you’re curious go to http://www.alkhaircqw.com/miswak_deal.htm. I decided against this option because I work for a living and can’t show up chewing on a stick. Also, international shipping seems wasteful. If I come across meswak twigs in some hippi store I will promise to try some.
Choice #3: My Radius toothbrush is biodegradable, made in the United States and endorsed by Sting. Need I say more?
Ok. So shopping is done. I have toothpaste and I have a toothbrush en route. Once VSC returns home I will ask her for a storage container and mix together my ingredients. Then I will taste my masterpiece.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Day 1
Ok. Chapter one begins with The Eco-Friendly home. Apparently my house has been contructed using a variety of synthetic, unsustainable materials, which are harmful to my planet and my health. Uh-huh. I rent, so nothing for me here. If your interested, carpet is bad. Seagrass is good. Cork is good. Moving on ...
I'm low on toothpase, so I think I will begin here. To begin, I have perfect teeth. I brush my teeth two or three times a day and I have never had a cavity. I go to the dentist once a year for check ups and cleanings. This is my current toothpaste. Colgate flouride toothpaste with MaxFresh Mouthwash Beads. I bought it because it was on sale (this is usually how I choose my toothpaste). I think it cost me around $2.50 at Safeway. I remember getting it home, useing it the first morning and thinking, "what the hell are these little white things in my paste?".
According to my book most brands of toothpaste contain sodium lauryl sulphate, a foaming agen that can lead to mouth ulcers. It can also contain triclosan, a chemical used for its anti-bacterial properties. The chemical could become carcinogenic when it comes into contact with water. I'm not sure what they mean by "could" but whatever. My Colgate contains sodium lauryl sulphate but does not contain triclosan. Whew! That "could" have been a close call.
Now, my book does not include a recipe for toothpaste. Shampoo and toilet cleaners yes, toothpaste no. The book does recommend natural toothpastes by Jason Natural Products, Green People, Kingfisher and Lavera.
Fortunately the post-apocalypse isn't here yet so I can still go online for a recipe. Stupid book. From http://www.pioneerthinking.com/teeth1.html.
Ingredients:
6 teaspoons baking soda
1/3 teaspoon salt
4 teaspoons glycerin
15 drops peppermint or wintergreen extract
Directions: Mix thoroughly. Should be a tooth paste consistency. Store in a container.
6 teaspoons baking soda
1/3 teaspoon salt
4 teaspoons glycerin
15 drops peppermint or wintergreen extract
Directions: Mix thoroughly. Should be a tooth paste consistency. Store in a container.
Too bad I don't need mouthwash ....
Ingredients:
3/4 cup vodka
20 drops lemon essential oil
1 1/4 cup distilled water
30 drops bergamot essential oil
Directions: Combine the vodka with the essential oils in a bottle, shake well then allow to sit for 1 week. Shake once a day. When ready to use it , dilute the mix with 3 parts water/ 1 part mixture. Use it as a gargle or mouth rinse. Do Not Drink.
3/4 cup vodka
20 drops lemon essential oil
1 1/4 cup distilled water
30 drops bergamot essential oil
Directions: Combine the vodka with the essential oils in a bottle, shake well then allow to sit for 1 week. Shake once a day. When ready to use it , dilute the mix with 3 parts water/ 1 part mixture. Use it as a gargle or mouth rinse. Do Not Drink.
Here's a recipe for baking soda toothpaste:
4 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
a few drops of flavouring (peppermint extract)
Mix well and keep the mixture in an air-tight container
4 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
a few drops of flavouring (peppermint extract)
Mix well and keep the mixture in an air-tight container
I will try both recipes and let you know which one tasts less like ass.
Self-Sufficient-Ish Here I Come
So, my journey begins with the purchase of Andy and Dave Hamilton's book The Self-Sufficient-ish Bible. An eco-living guide for the 21st century. Perfect. This is a beautiful green book. Very hippi. Of course I hate hippies. I hate recycling, hippi bins (compost bins), and hemp. I think mint chip ice gream should be green, toothpaste should be blue, and meat should be a nice shade of chemical red. Dreadlocks are disgusting and women should shave thier armpits and legs. Dirt is, well, dirty. People should dry thier hands with paper towels and not moist mung rags passed from person to person. Mass transit is rediculous. Have you ever ridden a public bus? It takes 3 hours to go 2 blocks.
Step by step I will become more self-sufficient-ish. I will choose a change, embrace the change, and live with the change as long as I can possibly stand it. Some changes might take only a day, others may become week long projects. I plan on starting simple. Nothing too dramatic at first. Nothing too hippi. Just a slight adjustment here and there. We will see where the change takes me. Start simple. Live simple. Become simple.
In the beginning ...
I am prepared for the post-apocalypse. I own (2) survival kits. One for the house and one for the car. I have read multiple survival guides, watched every movie in the genre, and read World War Z twice. I know how to kill zombies. I have learned to load and shoot a gun, build a fire with flint and steel (well in theory at least), and carry drinking water in non-lubricated rubbers.
It's time to take the next step. It's time to become more self-sufficient-ish. I've finally accepted the reality that at some point during the post-apocalypse I'm going to run out of canned peaches. I'm then going to have to step outside the safety of my arsenal and find some food. I don't know how to grow anything, so that leaves trade. And quite honestly the wasteland vagrants are going to take one look at my sweet ass and probably turn me into some kind of sex slave. I've played FallOut 3. I know how wasteland vagrants roll.
So, the fact is I'm not as prepared for the post-apocalypse as a need to be. And although my survival guides talk in length about sleeping in tarps and killing beavers, I need to know more. Self-sufficient-ish here I come!
It's time to take the next step. It's time to become more self-sufficient-ish. I've finally accepted the reality that at some point during the post-apocalypse I'm going to run out of canned peaches. I'm then going to have to step outside the safety of my arsenal and find some food. I don't know how to grow anything, so that leaves trade. And quite honestly the wasteland vagrants are going to take one look at my sweet ass and probably turn me into some kind of sex slave. I've played FallOut 3. I know how wasteland vagrants roll.
So, the fact is I'm not as prepared for the post-apocalypse as a need to be. And although my survival guides talk in length about sleeping in tarps and killing beavers, I need to know more. Self-sufficient-ish here I come!
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