Adrea Vs. The Maker Fair

Today we went to the Maker Fair. The Maker Fair is a two-day event where visitors and vendors make, create, invent, craft, recycle, think and play. There are booths set up that “celebrate” arts, crafts, engineering, food, music, science and technology. This year’s them was “Green”. Perfect! Right?

My very first impression was that I’m going to have to re-think “green” deodorant. As a whole, the crowd smelled rank. Outside, the cool San Mateo breeze offered some sense of relief. However, inside and within the confines of the crowded exhibit halls the smell was unreal.

I decided to make a beeline to the Homegrown Village. Here I expected to learn all about growing vegetables, recycling, and self-sufficient living. Kum-bye-frackin-ya. Instead I ran into the Vegetarian from hell.

Transcript:

Vegetarian Whore: (smiling) Hello. Are you a vegetarian?

Me: No. I’m just here to learn more.

Vegetarian Whore: (still smiling) Learn more? What would you like to know?

Me: (making a sweeping gesture with my hands across the pamphlets laid out on the table in front of me). Well, I just started caring about this stuff about a month ago.

Vegetarian Whore: (Frowning) Oh. What do you mean? (Long uncomfortable pause). So, what made you decide to um …. (pause).

Me: (Now at this point I decided it would be unwise to explain that I’m pro-apocalypse and anti zombie). Well, I’m a teacher and this stuff is supposed to be important and … um stuff.

Vegetarian Whore: Ya. Um. Here take this (hands me a booklet called, “Vegetarian Starter Kit”).

Me: Ok, thanks (and I run away).

Needless to say, I don’t feel like my first exchange as an “enlightened” self-sufficientish zombie fighter went very well. I was pretty offended actually. I started breaking down the exchange in my head and decided that I lacked the religious fervor to stand toe to toe with these freaks.

I then went in search of EcoBoxes. They didn’t have any to sell, just more pamphlets. For people so worried about the environment, these hippies sure did like their multi-colored pamphlets. The EcoBoxes were less than inspiring. If they had any, they would be selling them for $60.00. Instead the man told me that if I attended a class I could buy one for $40.00. I said, “Well, it looks pretty self explanatory”. I think he was offended. So, he pulled out yet another pamphlet (this one bound and about 20 pages in length) and started flipping through it explaining to me all the things I could learn in the class. I smiled and decided to play along. “Ok then, so when does your next class start?” He looked kind of confused. “Well actually, the class is on Thursday, but it’s our last one”. I shrugged and mumbled something about learning how to kick zombie head on Thursdays so I couldn’t attend. He didn’t seem to care much. Instead he directed me to a neon pink handout that told me where I could purchase EcoBoxes on line. I decided I could go to Home Depot instead and make one for about $12.00.

I know it sounds like I had a terrible time, but I really didn’t. I’m not so much a “maker” as I am a “buyer” so I ended up with two books and a really cool SteamPunk necklace (thanks to VSC’s mom). The books we purchased were The Humble art of Zen-Cleansing Clean and The Humble art of Zen-Cleansing Body. “Clean” is an A-Z cleaning guide for the home using the 5 Zen Cleansing ingredients Baking Sods, Borax, Lemon, Salt and White Vinegar. The “Body” book reads more like a zen prostitutes guide to self-care. It includes tips on how to clean/ care for ta-tas, vaginas, and discolored knees using the same 5 Zen Cleansing ingredients.