Task #2: Shampoo

Well task #1 (the toothpaste experiment) was pretty simple to execute. In less than 24-hours I’ve made one significant life change. Two if you include the new toothbrush. It’s now time for task #2.

I am running dangerously low on shampoo. When it comes to shampoo, cheaper is better for me. I shower every day. It’s my religion. If I’m doing yard work, going out somewhere special, washing the dogs, etc. I might shower twice a day. Whenever I shower I use shampoo and conditioner. I gravitate towards the more inexpensive choices and usually end up buying Suave (I like to let people think I spend a fortune on my hair. pfft.) or TreSemme’. If I manage to roll a hooker (ala GTA muthafucka’) then I’ll treat myself to Aveda Rosemary / Mint shampoo and conditioner.

According to the book, ordinary shampoos contain many different chemicals. Although Andy and Dave go in to no real detail, they do state that, “shampoos contain vast numbers of chemicals that surely can’t be good for us”. Surely? Well ok. Not the most scientific statement I’ve ever read … but I’ll bite.

If you’re rich you can afford to visit some hippi haven and purchase chemical-free, fair trade, completely recycled vegan baby, hair rinse. I do not have a lot of money. I am looking for a cheaper solution. I am also looking for a post-apocalyptic solution.

First, I’d like to say that “natural hair care” options are disgusting. Therefore my goal is to find the least nauseating solution to my problem. One option is to not wash my hair at all. I did this once after surgery. I left my hair unwashed for about 3 days. It matted. It was greasy … it was nasty. I’ve blocked most of the details of the experience out. However, according to dreadlock wearing hippies everywhere, the reason for the smelly and greasy hair is, “that your sebaceous glands over-produce sebum (even sounds dirty), which is a lubricant, to compensate for the drying effects of shampoo, which strips your hair of its natural oils. Once you leave your hair alone it will adapt and the sebaceous glands will settle down”. M’Kay. Next option please …

The “Beaten Egg” solution. Simple enough. Beat an egg and wash it into your hair with cold water. Wait. COLD water? This will never happen. I am no where near taking on the task of taking cold showers. That is somewhere farther in the future, much farther, some where between growing my own vegetables and owning a compost toilet.

Cider Vinegar. If you have dark hair, wash with cider vinegar. Nope, I’ve got blonde hair.

Lemon Juice. If you have light hair, massage in lemon juice and rinse. Hey now, this might work. Massage? I like massages. Lemon juice? I like lemons. No cold water requirement. I just might be sold on this solution.

Baby Shampoo is usually free of chemicals. But like Aveda and hippi havens, I don’t want to have to rely on finding baby shampoo in the post-apocalypse. Besides will there even be babies? Aren’t they usually the first to be eaten by zombies and wasteland vagrants? Once the finite amount of baby shampoo has been all used up I don’t see MegaCorp spending its limited resources manufacturing baby shampoo when there aren’t any babies left. Moving on …

Ok, so shampoo problem solved. I’ll use lemons. Still pending is the conditioner problem. Consider this … your average hippi chick has long, straight, flat, parted down the middle, hair. I do not. I have long, naturally curly, no part needed hair. I value my hair almost as much as I value my perfect teeth. NOT using conditioner could be a complete and utter catastrophe. Fortunately, the shampoo is going to run out long before the conditioner. I have a few weeks to come up with a conditioner solution. If anyone out there has one, please share it quickly!!!

Today I purchased 7 fl. oz. of lemon juice and (6) lemons to get started. I wanted the lemon juice because the plastic container is reusable and should hold up in the shower. The lemons seemed a little expensive to me, so I’m going to hit the farmers market and see if I can find them for cheaper. If not, then maybe a lemon tree will have to be my first plant. On the back of my Arm & Hammer box it says that adding 1 tsp. of baking soda to your shampoo each week will create fuller, more manageable hair. I wonder what will happen if I mix Baking Soda and lemon juice? Fortunately shortly after this thought I fielded a call from Lisaici who had some helpful hints. 1. Mix lemon juice with warm water. 2. Definitely add baking soda to the mix. 3. If lemons become too expensive switch to Cider Vinegar.

Lemons – $6 (2 for $1.00)

Sicilia Lemon Juice (lemon juice, lemon oil, preserved with sulphur dioxide) in a reusable container – 7 oz. for $2.29.

Baking Soda: Bought and paid for.